Friday, August 1, 2008

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is the latest from the movie franchise which has spawned prequels and sequels. Brandon Frasier returns to stop a Mummy, this time with the help of Maria Bello (who takes over for Rachel Weisz), their brash young son (Luke Ford, in a performance everyone will want to forget), and a mysterious Asian woman (Isabella Leong) who holds answers to their questions.

Ridiculous from beginning to end, instead of a review I’m going to give you some of the “highlights” of the flick which provides some lessons worth discussing. For more on the ins and outs of the film itself check out Ian’s review.

The 7 Lessons from the Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

The term mummy, it appears, can be applied to any creature who escapes from a tomb, whether or not he was ever mummified. That the Dragon King (Jet Li), can be referred to as a mummy makes me wonder if the Creature from the Black Lagoon would also fit under this new all-inclusive definition.

Maria Bello (playing Evelyn O’Connell) can do a descent Rachel Weisz impression, even if she’s terribly miscast, and way too smart, for this clunker of a film.

Control over all the elements is really cool. The Dragon Emperor uses these abilities throughout the film to great effect (breathing fire, making spikes out of ice). I do have one question however, which one of these elements gives him the ability to shape-shift into a three-headed dragon? I’m guessing it’s wood.

The secretive race of Yetis (think werewolves from Underworld spray-painted white with soulful bright blue eyes) living deep in the Himalyan Mountains, it turns out, are NFL fans.

Oh, and these Yetis are powerful creatures with a built-in invulnerability to avalanches (don’t ask).

Men turned to stone can slightly change shape and position over the centuries in order to fit better camera angles when they are brought back to life. How accommodating!

Swords (both ancient and modern) and even spears, it turns out, can cut through stone statues like butter causing them to shatter in many pieces. Who knew?

These are just a few of the laughably bad “lessons” learned from this disaster which steals from its predecessors and countless other films to blend together a forgettable movie which feels more like a half-thought-out second-rate video game than a feature film. This Mummy should have stayed entombed.

No comments: